Burnout, Stephen Rochester

I am sick of work. I am sick of seeing the same crap on the internet. I am sick of people. Ok, I've vented.

Started my day waking from a dream that featured a cameo by the kid I had a crush on in 7th grade, Stephen Rochester. We were all grown up, but of course he looked exactly the same, which was both comforting and creepy. In the dream, I wanted o say hello but we were separated by a crowd and eventually the dream went on into other territories. In real life, Stephen Rochester moved away before high school (after dating one of my friends, which was the story of my junior high life. Holy shit, actually, looking back, it was ONE friend who dated all the guys I liked. Damn.). I was very sorry to see him go (though I doubt he had any clue). Some months later, we ran into each other at a band competition (go band geeks!). We both played the saxophone (hey, it was the 80s). He seemed happy to see me and said, "Hey!! How are you? How have you been? How are you?" with surprising enthusiasm. My stupid dramatic tween ass, shaken to the core by the drama of the moment and feeling short of breath, stammered out, "Fine... until I saw you..." Of course I mean that my world had been in place until his crushable reappearance. Of course this was a truly awful thing to say, but I was (and arguably still am) socially inept. His face clouded, he frowned and said, "Fine." Then walked away, leaving me clutching my sax and feeling like the world's biggest idiot. And I never saw him again.

I still feel bad about it. And he pops up in my dreams every now and then. I think I heard someplace that he went to Yale, where he became deeply involved with his Jewish roots and then got married. Who knows. I'm sure on his junior high radar that event was a blip. But if our paths ever do cross again I will apologize... for that odd moment almost twenty years ago... that I'm sure everyone but me forgotten.

This is a sad bastard of a blog post. Blech. I'm having a crap day at work.