Daily View, 12/7, Celeb sightings

• Seagulls attack whales!
• Your civil liberties disappear before your eyes... on a mug.
• We're building a moon base. I'm so there. Bonus: another article about this development.
• Poor George Clooney has lost his pig. Though honestly he doesn't seem that broken up about it...
• What the hell is with the eyelid surgeries? I knew girls at Parsons who wanted it, one who'd even had it done. Seems ridiculous to me.

So I was in line at Duane Reade behind one of the lesser Wayans brothers last night—I guess even the star of modern classics like White Chicks and Little Man (shudder) needs to buy a lottery ticket at midnight on a Wednesday. This got me thinking about the various celebrity sightings I've had during my 3+ years in the ci-tay:

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SHAWN WAYANS
Spotted buying a lottery ticket round midnight at Duane Reade drugstore, 34th St & 8th Ave
Actual encounter
He was in line in front of me. I said nothing.

What could/should have happened
Kate: "Yo, lesser Wayans brother. I miss Keenen Ivory and Damon. What the hell are they up to lately? Why do you keep making these crap modern buffoon movies? Sigh."
Wayans: "You miss Keenen and Damon? Keenan's been producing and directing and Damon's been on TV."
Kate: "I feel like I haven't seen them in ages. I miss the In Living Color days."
Wayans: (skeptically) "Really..."
Kate: "Yeah, I grew up on In Living Color. I know I look like the whitest of white girls but I come from the hood."
Wayans: "Please. Get the fuck out of here, crazy bitch."
Kate: "Alright, not the hood exactly, but I did go to a 90% black school."
Wayans: (to checkout lady) "Let me get a lottery ticket... like, to go."

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BOB SAGET
Spotted at Parsons giving his daughter a tour of the school
Actual encounter
He walked through a couple of my classes and student common areas with a pouty teen in tow.

What could/should have happened
Kate: "Hi Bob. A good friend of mine looks a lot like you. So is this must be the daughter you were referencing in your standup act for Comic Relief 1990... you know, the "Sleep with meeeeeee" line.
Bob Saget: "Er... yes."
Kate: (to daughter) "So say the line."
Sagette: "What? Omigod, Dad, let's go."
Kate: "Come onnnnn, say it. One of you has to say it."
Bob Saget: "I can't believe you remember—"
Sagette: "Daaaaaad!"
Kate: "Come onnnn!"
Sagette: "I don't want to go to this school! I am never going to live that shit down!"
Bob Saget: "Honey—"
Kate: "Come on, it was a great act. When you put the camera down your pants—"
Bob Saget: (ushering a furious Sagette towards the elevator) "Ok, let's go."
Kate (calling after them): "Sleeep with meeeeeeeeeeeee!"
Passing Asian fashion student: "You want to sleep with Bob Saget? Gross!"

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SAM WATERSTON
Spotted at Barnes & Noble, Chelsea
Actual encounter
We collided near the entrance, both excused ourselves and walked on as the nearby security guard yelped out, "Hey, it's the guy from Law & Order!". Waterston seemed very nice, though in something of a calm hurry to get back to his private celebrity life.

What could/should have happened
Kate: "Sam Waterston! I've never seen an episode Law & Order—not really interested in that sort of thing—but I loved you in Lantern Hill."
Sam Waterston: (befuddled) "Really? That was like... twenty years ago. And Canadian. I think you're the only one who's actually seen that."
Kate: "Yeah. Shame. It was good. Do you ever hear from Mairon Bennett? I wonder if she's still acting. Sarah Polley's done pretty well for herself, eh?"
Sam Waterston: "Er..."
Kate: (after an awkward silence) "Too long ago?"
Sam Waterston: "Totally."
Kate: "Ah well. Seeya."
Sam Waterston: "Take care."

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GABRIEL BYRNE
Spotted with his daughter walking their dog on Smith Street in Cobble Hill, Brooklyn
Actual encounter
Eva and Kate walk silently past the members of the Byrne family, saying nothing and trying not to eye the small frilly dog with obvious disdain.
Eva: (once safely out of earshot) "Was that..."
Kate: "Yes. That dog..."
Eva: "I know... so, sushi for lunch?"
Kate: "Sure."

What could/should have happened
Kate: "Hello, Mr. Byrne. Just wanted to say that I'm a big fan."
Gabriel Byrne: (pleasantly) "Well hello, and thanks. This is my daughter, Romey."
Romey Byrne: (shyly) "Hello."
Kate: (nodding at the beribboned canine) "And who is this?"
Gabriel Byrne: "This is Romey's dog Princess." (Lights a cigarette.) "Romey, why don't you walk Princess to the end of the block, mm?"
The child and dog proceed towards Douglass Street. As soon as they are safely out of hearing, Gabriel Byrne sighs in frustration.
Gabriel Byrne: "Look, I know what you're about to say."
Kate: "That dog..."
Gabriel Byrne: "I know, I know. But what can I do, the girl loves the silly dog. I already feel badly enough about my failed marriage. The girl barely knows her mother."
Eva: "Who's her mother again?"
Gabriel Byrne, Kate: "Ellen Barkin."
Eva: "Oh right."
Gabriel Byrne: "I just try to suck it up. Comes with being a father, you know?"
Kate: "Yeah..."
Eva: (after an awkward silence) "Don't worry, you're still hot."
Gabriel Byrne: (visibly relieved) "Thanks. No one has really said that since the late 90s. Cheers, ladies."
Kate: (calling after him as he heads off after his daughter) "Loved you in Little Women!"

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STEVEN COJOCARU
Spotted huddled over a cell phone and chain smoking outside Barnes & Noble, Chelsea
Actual encounter
Yuthi: "Look, there's Cojo."
Kate: "Oh yeah, there he is. He's kind of a freak, yeah?"
Yuthi: "Absolutely."

What could/should have happened
Yuthi: "Look, there's Cojo."
Kate: "Oh yeah, there he is. He's kind of a freak, yeah?"
Yuthi: "Absolutely."

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I'll have to try and recall other celeb sightings. Since I don't leave the house as often as I'd like, I barely see a damn soul, much less any famous people. To be continued...