Daily View, 2/21

• According to Slate, the "archetypal music-video nightclub delivers to all entrants the perfect ecstasy of release." I want to go to this nightclub. Oh wait, the article is actually about Madonna, the thrust of her ambition, and all the leotard fabulousnesses of those two new videos that my inner gay man can't seem to stop watching...


• Some brilliant idiot has laced together Oprah's James Frey lashout with her previous interview with Tom "Crazy" Cruise and created a basically accurate reflection of what most of us think about TomKat.


• Oh, those crazy improv kids... Improv Everywhere punks the Strand bookstore's bagcheck with a cell phone symphony, ring-led from nearby Union Square. I made the mistake of forwarding this link to a co-worker, who promptly claimed that her thesis advisor had invented this concept back in ancient times 2001. To that, I say a hearty fuck off. No one said the goofy improv dorks invented the idea, just that they got the Strand. Jesus Christ on a Candy Stick.


• People are still knitting strange things... like the digestive system.


• Big Predator Update: National Geographic reports that shark attacks were down in 2005 but are up over the longterm. Fuck.


• More wierd (historical and otherwise) animal items (including sidebar ads): the Cat Piano


• Apparently Converse is now allowing you to customize your slip-on Chucks. I am enternally entranced by the idea of customization—you can customize your Vans, an array of Nike merchandise, your Timbuk2 bag... I have often built the customized item, but in the end I never, ever actually make it to the cart. Why? Who knows. Somehow I just can't take that final step. Of course, perhaps this is the same freakiness that causes me to enjoy staying home, dressing up, then not going out to show it off. Mental disorder? I guess. Maybe I just like to dress things up. ??


• These are some bad mutha... shut your mouth! Just talkin' bout treehouses!!


• I was a Comm major, and have never been a blonde, so this kind of thing interests me: Slate on TV's Aryan Sisterhood (I thought Katie Couric was a brunette! Damn, I haven't watched TV in years.)


• One of my favorite weird magazines is now blogging: check out the ReadyMade Blog!

Daily View, 2/20

• 31 flavors of toothpaste... now available for your mad oral scientist pleasure...


• "But while Dillon’s impersonation was impressive, if slightly workmanlike, it was quickly forgotten when Philip Seymour Hoffman took his place on the other side of Oscar, unselfconsciously removed his clothes, and immediately hardened into solid gold."


• Think of all the time we wasted sinking plain old battleships when we could have been playing Star Wars Battleship... I almost feel like I should shell out for this then force my little brother to take a road trip with me.


• Er, only in New York? If White Castle tried to pull this in the Midwest I think there would be anarchy... or at least open mockery: White Castle Valentine's Special


• Speaking of my little brother, he got all hopped up on Gangs of New York and wants to visit the Five Points (no longer in existence) when next he comes to New York. Must remember to send him on one possibly lame walking tours.


• I love that there is an entire article devoted to why the Vanity Fair Hollywood Issue sucks. It's true, it does. Tom Ford has singlehandedly turned me off of one of my favorite issues of the year... damn him. My inner gay man wants to rumble.


• Beer. Fridge. Beer fridge.


• I admit, I am usually against iPod accesories but I am a sucker and think these iconz iPod cases actually have some potential. Batman iPod? I dig. However, they lose keege points for the Tweety (are rednecks iMobilized at this point?). Sadly, the Vader one is also questionable—maybe I'm blind as a bat, but what the fuck is that image? I am a Vader purist. None of this Hayden Christensen craptastic imagery for me, thanks. Sadly, their crappy site won't allow you to zoom much, so I can't really tell what breed of Vader action is happening. Sigh... it is exactly at moments like this that I realize that I really need to get out of the house more often.

Valentine's Day Mix Tape from Exo

Exo has created an old school mix tape Valentine flash experience online—brilliant, down to the laughing mother in the background (oh, well do I remember being indignant while trying to do something awesome which resulted in parental or sibling ridicule), the ringing phone, waiting for the song to come on the radio, and the unicorn scribbles.

Meanwhile, I'm sure it's just because I'm an 80s child but my little heart went pitty pat when the kid making the mix said "Do you want to go to the arcade with me sometime?" Seriously, grown men should start using that line. That would be a sweet Valentine. And points for the Hall n' Oates and that goddamned Terrence Trent D'arby song we all listened to religiously in junior high. And I admit that once my cabinmates and I lipsynched an entire routine to the DiVynls at summer camp (we touched our NOSES to keep it PG). And oh, how we all scorned Billy Ray Cyrus. The 7th grade mixer where a good friend had her first slow-dance to that awful Phil Collins song seems like yesterday. Damn, I think I'm the target audience for this thing. Well, fine. Loving every minute of it.

Happy Valentine's Day to all of us who lived through the 80s and to the unicorns who ran through the rainbow pastures of our weird little day-glo dreams.

Daily View, 2/13

• They've started selling iPods at 7/11. At this point I fully expect the road to hell to be paved with iMerchandise. In hell they will take away your white headphones and make you wear shitty cheap black ones like everyone used to before Apple succesfully installed their scheme of subtle social manipulation. I'm kidding—I love Apple. But come on, that's just one more thing to steal at 7/11. And who honestly wanders in for a Slurpee and a Nano? Sheesh.


• These are almost naked animals, which is apparently their selling point. Put tighty whities on anything and... voila, successful ironic illustration. Sigh. I'm kidding—I love almost naked animals.


• Madonna is totally selling me on this ludicrous leotard trend in her new video for Sorry. I hope to be able to pay professionals to make me look this good when I'm 45. However, I'm sure that even in my future state of aged fabulousness someone will happily pay me not to wear a leotard. I'm kidding—I love Madonna.


• Mimobots now have ninja mimbots!!!! I generally support making inanimate objects fun and interesting by giving them faces, and really ninjas are always a good thing (mostly), but damn it, why did they have to do this love/hate hybrid thing? I feel no love. I am all hate. I want nothing but stars. A tiny USB ninja with hateful throwing stars for eyes and NO HEARTS ON HIS DAMN BACK. This time I'm not kidding—I hate hearts (and if I really wanted to I could buy this hideous shirt from Fred Flare to broadcast that fact).


• Thanks to trusty Gothamist, I just learned of the phenomenon commonly referred to as Manhattanhenge, which is "when the sun's rays parallel the streets". The sunrise version just came and went, but the sunset versions that bookend the summer solstice will be on May 25th (my birthday!) and July 17th. Maybe we can sacrifice something (or someone). I'm kidding—I love pagans.


• At Monster Mash you can vote for your favorite monsters. What's to say? I do love monsters, especially when they have tentacles. No kidding.

Daily View, 2/7/06: BONUS DEFAMER ENTRY

Sometimes Defamer just does me right with inane, middle-of-the-workday-pick-me-up celebrity news items:

• Who invited Tom Ford, indeed?


• "is it any wonder little Jack Black would shut his eyes tight and fly off to a magical 'safe' place, where monkeys grow to a hundred feet high and fat kids can be rock stars?"


• Some idiot in Texas got a Maddox Jolie tattoo... [insert Texas joke here?] Too bad the AutoMaddox blog is apparently dead.

Daily View, 2/7/06

• I've always wanted one of these night sky simulation thingummies. I admit, that's one huge thing I miss about the Midwest—the stars. Here in NYC you get the moon and the occasional planet but otherwise... damn.


• Hmm... apparently there is a way to make your own ringtones. Interesting... must investigate further...


• Sleeping bags are evolving into strange new areas...


• NASA and SETI have come up with a bunch of cool images that envision alien life on other planets! My vote: pass these on to the Jim Henson Creature Shop and/or Pixar and see what magic ensues.


• Gothamist quote: "Sigur Ros soar to the greatest heights of atmospheric pretension at the Theater at Madison Square Garden on Thursday. We are guessing this show will be full of the kind of people who appreciate a good light show and maybe even a good cry at concerts." Sigh. I have tickets to this. Am not sure what I was thinking, to be honest. And I have no one to go with (long story), so am currently feeling kind of sorry for myself. Sorry enough to go weep alone at a light show? Jaysus.


• This is the coolest DIY stuff site ever!! Check out the Gothamist store. Café Press, you are done for...

Daily View, January

I kind of hibernated in January, but was storing up linkage. Originally I was just going to post these gradually, but fuck it, that's an impossible task, so brace yourself for the longest "daily view" yet (divided into categories for your convenience and my sanity):

Gadgets

• I can't quite imagine zonking out on this stuff, but for those who can, there's NapGrass.


• A chocolate penis cast? Why not: Clone-a-Willy.


• At last, vitamin enriched underwear.


• For the Marthas out there, Mobi hip ziplock baggies... because, what, the regular ones are just too damn minimalist?


• Walking the fine line between serial killer and supremely romantic are personalized DNA portraits. I'd only consent to getting one with my significant other if we could then get ANOTHER one after the divorce. Does the cynicism show on a molecular level? Hmm....


• I don't watch TV, but if I did, I'd want to watch it on an extrememly silly green-apple TV. Apparently I have a 13 year old Japanese girl on the inside (fighting with my bitchy inner gay man and the inner 13 year old boy, who I blame for my base enjoyment of things like toy cars and T-rexes).


• I suppose this was inevitable—technological accessories made of zen natural materials. Wood USB sticks, stone hard drives, etc. For the wireless buddhist in all of us.


• Dude, I dunno if I suffer from SAD, but even if I don't, I still kinda want this sunlamp.


• Well, the Gizmodo boys think the Whirlpool BodyBox is weird, but I dig it. Anyone who has ever had a tiny NYC studio where the shower is in the kitchen, right next to the oven, will understand and appreciate this much more sleek and beautiful version of consolidated urban living. Sadly, when the Europeans and Japanese consolidate, it's cool. When Americans do it, it's called a trailer. Sheesh.


• If you so chose, you could actually count your clicking. Yikes. I don't think I want to know, honestly.


• Turn your water bottle into a camera base. A nice cheap way to reassure yourself that you're not aging prematurely and actually get some digital shots that aren't blurry.

Miscellaneous Ego-based Foolery:

• Why am I absurdly satisfied by the fact that I'm the same height as Cameron Diaz and Charlize Theron and Julia Roberts? Why is it hard for me to fathom that I am FIVE INCHES taller than Cher? Has the actual height of Mel Gibson really never been recorded? Mary Queen of Scots was 6 feet tall? Christopher Reeve was 6'4"? Hasselhoff and Selleck are 6'4" as well?? Jeremy Irons is 6'5"? (Side question for future research: Can Jeremy Irons actually get any sexier?) Meanwhile, CLOONEY IS ONLY AN INCH TALLER THAN ME?? I'm taller than F. Scott Fitzgerald? Humphrey Bogart, Fred Astaire, Jackie Chan, Robert DeNiro and I will look eye to eye in the afterlife? I'm taller than Lisa Kudrow... yet she always seemed like such a giant on Friends. Elton John is only 5'3"? Edith Piaf was 4'8"?? Clearly I have some height issues, which I guess makes me the target audience for TallOrNot. Sheesh.


• Make your own Simpsons character (Courtesy of Ginna the Fabulous).

Art

• Jessica Joslin's cabinet of natural history-style curiosites.


• Cool moody photography showcased at Mythic New York.


• I can't decide whether DeeDee9:14, which bills itself as "contemporary abstract minimalist art for the modern collector", is total bullshit or tinged with basic creative brilliance. Probably both. People are suckers.


• Nice info graphic survey of the subway systems of the Americas.

Clothes & Crafts

• Friendly bodily organs on shirts and stickers by Weebs.


• Girl Scouts on the ass of a euro male? Hilarious.


• Guerrilla knitters profiled in an article called Knitta, please! (haha), also courtesy of Ginna.

Absolutely Miscellaneous

• Of all the Brokeback parodies raging around, these two are my favorite: the Marlboro Men and BrokeBack to the Future.


• "The strength of a unique male bond between a young hippopotamus and a 130-year-old tortoise will be tested later this spring when conservation workers introduce a female hippo to the mix."


• I knew this had to exist someplace: the Woody Allen walking tour of NYC (Scarlet and Soon-Yi not included).


• Hahaha, idiots. The State Department issued this statement: "Anti-Muslim images are as unacceptable as anti-Semitic images, as anti-Christian images, or any other religious belief." Thank you very much.


• In a odd but excellent music move, DJ Swindle creates 80s rap mashups—my fave is the Stunt 101/INXS hybrid.


• Thanks to YouTube, I finally got to see that Trapped in the Closet South Park episode that everyone was buzzing about. O, the trials of those without cable.


• I take grim satisfaction in knowing that something went wrong with Josh Spear and Charles & Marie. Maybe they figured out that he's only a mediocre coolhunter, and a pretentious one at that.


• Tsunami ghosts are keeping tourists from bringing cash back into parts of Asia.


• Yes, I am a sucker. But I love love love this Penguin Books stuff. I've been witnessed petting the mugs in museum shops and everything. Guilty and cheesy as charged.


• Any website that could possibly whip up this sentence is a friend of mine: "Of course, in Hollywood, the problem with a niche is that it often becomes a rut—or worse, an expanse of career quicksand that can swallow an actor like the horse in The Neverending Story. That would make Luke Wilson the new Artax and his Frat Pack niche the new Swamp of Sadness." From FameTracker: the Farmer's Almanac of Celebrity Worth.


• Asians Get Lost In Translation (Groan! Couldn't the Village Voice have come up with a better title than that?).

Miscellaneous Quote from an Unrecorded and therefore Unlinkable Source

• Some of 2005's blockbusters were knockoffs that traded expansive thoughts for petty ones. Coldplay, the English band that's openly eager to become "the next U2," came up with more of its grand, chiming, would-be anthems, only to ruin them with lyrics unworthy of the music's splendors. Like a cheesy self-help guru, Coldplay inflates listeners' vague fears and insecurities, then offers itself as a panacea: "I will fix you," Chris Martin vowed.

Whew, that's it!! I'm spent.

Damn it. February 1st.

Another new month, another random ass injury. Imbued with the whole healthier-in-the-new-year spirit, I took myself to the gym on Monday and promptly proceeded to overdue it with the weenie weights, pulling a muscle in my arm. Granted, I broke my left elbow over the summer and the likelihood is that the muscles in that arm never really quite recovered properly (you know, back to their old girl-Herculean strength??? Sheesh.), therefore increasing my chance of injury whilst attempting silly things like curls and raises. Really, it's more a pain in the ass than anything else... so now I am grouchy and smell like tiger balm. Amazingly, my cat doesn't mind the slightly medicinal cinnamon smell and consented to put all 20 pounds of himself on my joint earlier, creating a surprising effective heating pad/gentle weight combo to stretch things out. Don't tell me I'm not resourceful.

Sadly, this makeshift feline physical therapy session occurred during an indulgent midday viewing of Terminator 2 (indulgent because I was blatantly procrastinating a full seven feet away from my home office during the peak of the business day... not because of the wanky film in question), at some point during which Ahnold says, "Humans... it's in your nature to destroy yourselves." I looked at the cat, who looked unblinkingly back at me, and sighed. There is some truth in that. I'm destroying myself piece by piece, either at the gym or at home eating pizza for lunch. Ack. Screwed. We're all screwed.

What a cheerful start to the New Year. Woo!